AS IF

I used to collect the sharp looks you would shoot at me,

and keep them pierced into my heart as if it was the only part of you I could keep.

I used them to slit my wrists as crimson crawled and scattered throughout the paper,

emulating spilled ink,

spilled ink that I used to write the story of my life,

attempting to illustrate the grandeur of your dexterity and duplicity.

Each cut in my heart exuded grace of its own.

As if the ringing in my ear was music when you left,

My heart was the beat to it,

imitating the ticking of time,

as if time could really heal us.

I used to wish you happiness through my gritted teeth.

I'd grit my teeth so hard that the sound would barely escape.

I'd clench my fists as if the nails digging into the palm of my hand would be able to slice open my heart and unleash the part of me that could feel.

They'd clench hard enough to emulate the illusion of my veins attempting to escape from underneath my skin,

Only making me wonder what would really happen if one of them burst open.

Would I find the missing piece of my heart somewhere in there?

You'll never know how much you've been bleeding until you choose to unclench your fists.

Once I did, blood dripped from my hopeful heart onto the ground.

I have fallen.

But with my unclenched fists, I can finally climb back up.

Written by Katherine Ho

Best Submission- Flames (June 2020)